A Woman, A Mother and A Wife (A Poetry)

By: JBD101382 

      9 March 2019

You are a woman;
You may be ridiculed for being naive, weak and frail.

You are a mother;
You may be mocked, considered gormless and ignorant. 

With nothing much to do but care for your family, prioritizing yourself last.

You are a wife;
You may be depicted as an obedient subordinate, expected to submit yourself and obey.

You may feel insecure and depressed for being considered as such.
But don’t despair,
For...

You are a woman;
The subtle shadow that keeps the balance and order of things.

You are a mother;
The origin of humanity. 

It is you who served as a vessel for the future generations 

       -the great leaders, inventors and various geniuses.

You are a wife;
Every husband’s source of strength when they’re physically and emotionally exhausted.

You are you. 

Some may be oblivious of you, some may completely ignore you.
But don’t falter, nor shatter.
You are no one’s jester, no one’s slave
You don’t have any master,
Just have your confidence mustered

You are you;
  A woman
  A mother
  A wife

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Off To My Fantasy Land

When I was a child, I thought real life Princes and Princesses don’t exist – thought they were just some book writers and movie scriptwriters’ imagination. Funny though –I then believe in “they live happily ever after”.

Those were the days when dreaming and imagining that my own Prince would come to my rescue happens; just like how Princesses from the movies are rescued by their own Princes. And my imagination goes on with an ending of me and my Prince “living happily ever after”.

I had those imaginations stuck within me for years until one day I realized that I need to wake up to the reality and leave my fairy fantasy land behind.

Unlike however some other kids my age, I don’t believe in the existence of Santa Claus. Not because I live in my own imaginary fairy land (where gnomes, Prince, Princesses and dwarfs were the only characters –no Santa Claus is to be found) but because my parents told me that Santa Claus is people’s “imaginary gift giver and wish grantor” for kids who have been playing their good characters all year round. They told me that Santa Claus is just actually Mommy and Daddy dressed in that funny red suit with awful beards (that most of the times don’t look appropriate on them) and would tip toe at the middle of the night when everybody’s at their deep sleep to put their gifts under the tree. Guess my parents were being too mean to have that wildest imagination a normal child could bear busted for me. The good side however, there wasn’t a Christmas that my parents would skip in putting up a tree together. Every year I am seeing different styles and designs for a Christmas tree –designed of course by my mother and with the help of my father have the thing up.

As years passed however, the need to put off the belief of a “merry” Christmas must be considered. Guess my childhood wasn’t as fantastic as what other kids my age have. Since my parents separated a decade and some years ago, I stopped believing in Christmas. I told myself that Christmas, like Santa Claus is just most people’s imagination of entertaining themselves and making themselves believe that there is this certain season of the year for humanity to celebrate and enjoy.

I grew up as a bitter person full of questions and frustrations. I wonder why other kids were given the privilege of having a real and complete family –with Mom and Dad around. Then I told myself that one day, I’ll have someone that will love me –someone I can call mine. And together we’ll build our “complete, happy family”. Someday –in my wildest dreams. In my own fantasy land.

Now I’m old enough to realize what’s real from dream, what’s hallucination from imagination. It’s ironic to think that as I’ve realized and learned that Princes and Princesses were actually real (and some exists in Europe) that I have stopped believing in “living happily ever after”. I think this has something to do with what happened to my parents’ marital relationship. Although I know that my parents’ story don’t define my life’s own story, but only Lord knows how their separation struck me –bull’s eye!

I however didn’t give up in love. I did have past relationship that lasted for over a decade; unfortunately with someone not so deserving of my trust. But I let bygone by bygone and open another window for another chance. Whatever and wherever will my present relationship will lead to, I know that while Prince and Princesses are real the “living happily ever after” part will happen at the right time, with the right person. And if this relationship that I have is with the right man, then I’d be sure to someday (if when, I can’t tell) spend the rest of my life with him in the real world –and not only in my own imaginary, fantasy land.

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I’m glad to finally see you smiling,Mommy!

Dear Mommy,

You were too young when you met dad. I guess both of you were in senior high school by then. You two were very happy; especially you, Mommy. There is not a boring day to you whenever you are with him. And obviously, the two of you were in love. It shows. You were glowing!

Every day the two of you have each other. And when you celebrated your first anniversary, you were the happiest girl in the entire university! Oh, Mommy! You’ve been wearing such a smile only you can define what it’s all about. Well, it is your heart that can describe everything.

Years passed. There were times when you two had fights. However, none of you gave up. That’s love. Real love. Until one day, you were freaking out. I guess you were afraid? Uhmmm… No, I guess you were just excited. You called Dad, you agreed to meet up and talked. I can see the surprise painted on his face. I am not just sure if like you, Daddy was in absolute happiness too.

You two were discussing things. I heard the term “options” and “future”.  There were terms so vague I can’t understand. You were talking about “responsibilities”, Daddy was just listening. You were crying since then, Mommy. You never stopped crying. I wish to let you know that I was sad to see you sad and I was hoping to hear your laughter again. I can see Daddy was always there for you to catch all of those tears that run down your face. What’s wrong, Mommy? Why can’t you be happy and wear those smiles again?

One day, you talked with Daddy again. You said that your decision is final. I didn't really understand the whole thing, but you were saying you wanted to pursue your plans. That you want to graduate college and become a doctor. Daddy was just listening, staring at nowhere. What happened, Mommy? Why aren't you telling me anything? I’m here, willing to listen if you need me to.

One fine day, you went to a “specialist”. You have this appointment and I feel so excited since you said it’s for everybody’s good. The person in white robe, he was carrying with him some apparatus. I am not sure what they were. They had you in bed. And hey! What is that, Mommy? Why am I feeling some pains? It’s painful! Help me, Mom! Wait!

After the procedure, you were laying still in that bed staring at the ceiling. I saw tears running down your cheeks again. However, I saw a faint smile. Did that really make you happy, Mommy? Well, I’m glad to finally see you smiling again! I am happy that you are wearing that smile again, Mommy! I love you and thank you for keeping me and making me a part of you, even if it didn't take much time. I hope you gave me chance, Mommy. Chance to make you feel my love for you.

Love,

Your child. Your aborted child.

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How do I love thee? You tell me!

Will anybody who loved to be told how much they are loved rise? Certainly, there are multitude rising. Thanks for the cooperation. Just wanted to know though and confirm that the fact that most or should I say almost all of the people want to hear comforting words at all times. Is there anybody that can be considered as an exemption? Answer is, NO ONE. 

It feels great and comforting to hear directly from someone how much you are loved, cared, important, desired, etc.. etc.. We don’t really feel tired of hearing the same words, errr flattering words (to say it right) all over again. Even if we have been told for like millionth of times each day, we still prefer to hear the same compliments from the people so dear to us. 

However, there are some people who are not vocal about what they feel. Yes, you read it right. There are some who are not. Do you think you will like it if your lover is not expressive while you are? Getting across this idea reminds me of a particular scene from The O.C. It was the part when Marissa Cooper embraced her boyfriend Ryan Atwood and unintentionally whispered “I love you”. Ryan was taken aback and replied “Thank you”. Isn’t that awkward? Well to some it is not, to some it is. 

Any situation depends on how you view it. However, there were times when all we need is to hear the exact things and words that we expect. While it is true that less expectation means less frustration and depression, what really drives us to move forward and be motivated are those expectations and hopes that we kept deep inside us.

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The Best Time To Say “I Quit. Goodbye”

Admit it or not, but even if you have determined that you are no longer emotionally attached or concerned about the person, you still can’t get the courage of telling that person directly that you want to end anything between the two of you. There are possible reasons for this. Different people though having the same concerns are actually faced to different reasons. 

You could be someone who believes that the person you love is the best person ever existed and that no one can ever be like her or him. You might be trapped in fear thinking that if you will let go of whatever it is that you have together, there will be not a single soul that you can be with after this relationship. Or maybe you made yourself believe that all you deserve is what you have right now. 

Call it quits. There are so many ways to do that. Be frank, be courteous. There also is a need for you to be sincere and honest. Don’t go around the bush and confuse the person with what you really want to confess. While this can cause them frustrations and depressions, but isn’t it that keeping the relationship for formality and mercy’s sake is more frustrating and depressing? Don’t you think you will be fair to the person by just simply confessing to them how and what exactly you feel?

When? There could be no other perfect and proper timing than soon. If not today, at least not some other time. You will know if you are at the right time. Listen to your heart, weigh your conscience. Study and observe the person. Get to know the possibilities of the plan you are intending to happen. Be prepared of the results and possible consequences for your intention and motives. 

How? Explain things right. Talk directly and never falter. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to be ruthless and rude to the person. If it is impossible for you to make them understand your side, make them feel that you are not just doing this for your sake but for both of you.

Keeping a relationship isn’t just about making you or the other party happy. A relationship is a partnership, therefore it selflessness must be present. There is no sense of keeping it when you know that you are no longer happy. In the same way, that it will be unfair to your partner to make him or her believe that you are still up for them when you absolutely are not.

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I’m Sorry… I Loved You

I was once in my solace, didn’t really know the world outside. Was just then enjoying and taking pleasure of whatever it is that I have. I never really cared about how and what it is to love someone. I can, but I never really cared at all.

One day, I didn’t realize that among the people in the crowd I “saw” you. You were charming, I should say. Well, have seen set of charming people before. I told myself that I don’t really care. I told myself that if I’ll give it a try to “look” at you one day you will just leave, and I’ll be left alone… alone in my solace again.

I tried hard to not “see” you. I’ve overlooked the fact that I am “hearing” you. I don’t even like the fact that I am “feeling” you. I was afraid. I asked myself if it is possible for me to avoid you whenever time would come that I’d be pushed towards you. I didn’t get an answer for that. I wasn’t just sure. 

So now I am in. Trapped. Tangled. Imprisoned. I wanted to let lose, but I really don’t want to. This thing that you’ve caused me is confusing. It’s something that I can call “complication”. I seek for remedy. For a possible solution. However, I always ended back to you.

Hey, I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t really my intention to “see you”… to “hear you”… to “feel you”. I’m sorry that I’ve come to love you.

Please also visit my other blogs The[un]chef101. And if you have not yet subscribed to my channel My Siesta  please click on the subscribe button and share this video so other people on the same diet can also enjoy this dish. Thank you very much!