Off To My Fantasy Land

When I was a child, I thought real life Princes and Princesses don’t exist – thought they were just some book writers and movie scriptwriters’ imagination. Funny though –I then believe in “they live happily ever after”.

Those were the days when dreaming and imagining that my own Prince would come to my rescue happens; just like how Princesses from the movies are rescued by their own Princes. And my imagination goes on with an ending of me and my Prince “living happily ever after”.

I had those imaginations stuck within me for years until one day I realized that I need to wake up to the reality and leave my fairy fantasy land behind.

Unlike however some other kids my age, I don’t believe in the existence of Santa Claus. Not because I live in my own imaginary fairy land (where gnomes, Prince, Princesses and dwarfs were the only characters –no Santa Claus is to be found) but because my parents told me that Santa Claus is people’s “imaginary gift giver and wish grantor” for kids who have been playing their good characters all year round. They told me that Santa Claus is just actually Mommy and Daddy dressed in that funny red suit with awful beards (that most of the times don’t look appropriate on them) and would tip toe at the middle of the night when everybody’s at their deep sleep to put their gifts under the tree. Guess my parents were being too mean to have that wildest imagination a normal child could bear busted for me. The good side however, there wasn’t a Christmas that my parents would skip in putting up a tree together. Every year I am seeing different styles and designs for a Christmas tree –designed of course by my mother and with the help of my father have the thing up.

As years passed however, the need to put off the belief of a “merry” Christmas must be considered. Guess my childhood wasn’t as fantastic as what other kids my age have. Since my parents separated a decade and some years ago, I stopped believing in Christmas. I told myself that Christmas, like Santa Claus is just most people’s imagination of entertaining themselves and making themselves believe that there is this certain season of the year for humanity to celebrate and enjoy.

I grew up as a bitter person full of questions and frustrations. I wonder why other kids were given the privilege of having a real and complete family –with Mom and Dad around. Then I told myself that one day, I’ll have someone that will love me –someone I can call mine. And together we’ll build our “complete, happy family”. Someday –in my wildest dreams. In my own fantasy land.

Now I’m old enough to realize what’s real from dream, what’s hallucination from imagination. It’s ironic to think that as I’ve realized and learned that Princes and Princesses were actually real (and some exists in Europe) that I have stopped believing in “living happily ever after”. I think this has something to do with what happened to my parents’ marital relationship. Although I know that my parents’ story don’t define my life’s own story, but only Lord knows how their separation struck me –bull’s eye!

I however didn’t give up in love. I did have past relationship that lasted for over a decade; unfortunately with someone not so deserving of my trust. But I let bygone by bygone and open another window for another chance. Whatever and wherever will my present relationship will lead to, I know that while Prince and Princesses are real the “living happily ever after” part will happen at the right time, with the right person. And if this relationship that I have is with the right man, then I’d be sure to someday (if when, I can’t tell) spend the rest of my life with him in the real world –and not only in my own imaginary, fantasy land.

Please also visit my other blogs The[un]chef101. And if you have not yet subscribed to my channel My Siesta  please click on the subscribe button and share this video so other people on the same diet can also enjoy this dish. Thank you very much!

The Voice Within

My real intention of creating this page is –like other bloggers will at least earn something, however, it appears like maintaining a site for that purpose is time consuming, very confusing and stressing that lately I just found out that I have turned this page into a virtual diary where I can vent, share my ideas and “talk” myself out.

I guess it all started when I found out that I have no one to talk with and is caged inside this four-cornered house (but of course we don’t have a circle house) 24/7 with the convenience of having round the clock access to the internet –of which they claim is the home of all of the most interesting “whatevers” that can take you out from your delusion and take you to an interesting and notable level of entertainment. But I guess this doesn’t apply to everybody and that includes me.

I am one of those home based professionals that try to make ends meet by facing my computer as early as 5AM until as late as 2AM the following day. With the privilege of course of managing my own time (meaning I choose when to take a break, rest and eat) that unfortunately often turns out to be deprived from me since there is no way will I waste a single minute to leave my computer (for the intent of earning not for myself but to help my family in making ends meet ---long list of debts, bills, needs and again –“whatevers”!) just to do those things.

And whenever during my long day and night at work, a friend would call or send a message (through text, email, etc) I need to at least take time to multitask between my works and them just so to be able to give time for them (and that’s no biggies though. I meant it every time I listen to their vents, frustrations, problems and “whatevers”).

And then here comes the last day of the week and although I hate it (but since it is a part of my weekly routine), I need to check on the needs of my family –food, bills, other stuff (although please don’t you ever think that I am married since I am definitely single! Maybe it’s the culture or could be the burden of being the first born that I need to take all of these responsibilities of helping them –and then again, it is my pleasure to do this, they’re my family, right?) So once I’m done with the “buckle list” that we need for the entire week, I need to get myself to the nearest market and store to buy all of the items listed. (just in time since I just received my salary for the week. Yey!)

Now here comes the time that I really feel exhausted that I think I need to treat myself –so I go by planning, estimating and calculating everything that I need. And once I’m done, I’ll end up cancelling the plan since looking at how much money I’d be wasting brings me back to thinking about the long list of debts, bills and “whatevers” that I need to prioritize.

Ho! I am no superwoman, so I turn to try to talk to my friends about life and stuff like that but wait –am I just talking to myself? If they’re not too busy, they’re too busy or just too busy. So okay, I guess I need to get back to facing my computer, work on my tasks, pout (whenever necessary), use both of my index fingers in stretching my lips (forcing it to smile) and say “what a loooonngggg day!” Well, I guess I’ll have my time when I’ll finally retire to my bed super late at night (no, very early the next morning –now that’s confusing!). My bed is my only reward, my pillow is my loyal friend and my blanket is my only comforter. And that Guy up there is the only person who hears my cry –the voice within (I am not really sure if I am into making loud cries that it resonates up to His place) but regardless of whatever His hearing skills are, I am thankful He is there just willing to listen to my cries!

If you have not yet subscribed to my channel My Siesta  please click on the subscribe button and share this video so other people on the same diet can also enjoy this dish. Thank you very much!

Please also visit my other blogs The[un]chef101. Thank you! :) 

How Great Is Our God?

Is it really possible to define and describe the greatness of God? How do you know that you have been moved and experienced His greatness? Have you ever been into a situation when you have no other option to turn to but to believe and have faith in Him? Or have you been in a condition when your faith in Him is developed and nurtured? Like what’s the difference between these situations, anyway?

Knowing God and determining His greatness is not just during those times when you experience abundance. His greatness is not only shown whenever you received all of the things that you wished for, own the healthiest bank account, the happiest relationship or possessing the perfect psych. If this is your gauge in determining God’s greatness, then what will happen if you will be introduced to a ruthless and challenging situation? Will you still be able to say that God is great and praise Him despite the storms?

I know a person who was diagnosed with multiple illnesses few days before her 29th birthday. Oh she never had the perfect life either. She has experienced all kinds of depressing scenarios in life and has been faced to several struggles and trials. Despite all of those, she still manages to smile, give advises to people who need it and thank God for everything. She often will say that everything happens for a reason and that all things work together for good.

Until one fine day, while she was so excited for her upcoming birthday, she received a word from her doctor telling her that she has kidney and uterus problems. As she headed back to her apartment from her doctor’s office, her mind went blank. To her, it seems like this is more than life’s fair share. It was only few months from her break up with a long-time relationship and few days before her birthday. Questions popped into her mind. Doubt, uncertainties as well as rage came flashing through. She was asking herself if she deserves all of these. If God hasn’t seen another person living on earth except her? 

Right the moment she arrived at her apartment, she headed to her room shut the door behind her and burst into tears. And in all humility, she knelt down in prayer of awe to her Savior as she mumbles “Dear Lord, with all of my heart I thank you for this early birthday present.”

But of course, she is still suffering from those illnesses. She never asked God to take those away from her. She just asked Him to give her strength to face every day full of pain and treatment and asked Him as well to strengthen her faith in Him.

How great is our God? He is greater than any sickness and trials and struggles and challenges we have, we may have and we can have. How great is our God? He is marvelous that heaven and earth trembles upon hearing His name.

Please also visit my other blogs The[un]chef101. And if you have not yet subscribed to my channel My Siesta  please click on the subscribe button and share this video so other people on the same diet can also enjoy this dish. Thank you very much!

Defining Life by Living Life

Most of us might be thinking of the answer to the question "What is life?” Some might still try to seek its real definition. Even the smartest person I know can't give me the precise definition of life. 

As we go along life, that is living it every day, we’ll be living life’s definition. It appears that life is not something that can be defined using a general term. Life depends on how a person lives it. It is how a person deals with it. 

In a happy person's perspective, life could be defined as something prefect! It could be an overall existence of contentment, satisfaction, glorious pleasure and fulfillment. However, if you will hear a melancholic person's description, life is compared to a darkest maze that leads to a place called nowhere.

You don’t have to ask somebody to know life’s real definition. You actually hold the information and the answers to the questions you have been longing to hear. Start within yourself. Have a random check on whatever you have. Anything you own. Whomever you are with. Look around you. Look within you.

Start answering some questions, in that way you will find answers for your old questions. How far have you been in giving love, respect and trust? How long have you been dealing with the same circumstance? Have you been faced with challenges and get passed it? How good is your relationship with other people? How many people whom you have painted a smile on their faces on? How loud and free have you laughed? Have you reached your highest speed running? Or you just kept your silence under your shadow in the four corners of your box? Can you say that you are happy and satisfied with whatever possessions and achievements you have today? Or you want to look back and reconsider those choices and options that you rejected?

Life actually, is a journey to a path called “uncertainty”. How you’ll reach the finish line depends on how you take your steps. It is not about the speed of reaching there, it is about the choices you make that gets you there at the right time. And when you’re there and feel contented and fulfilled, that is the time you can say that you have lived life. That will be the time that you’ll realize the real definition of life.

Please also visit my other blogs The[un]chef101. And if you have not yet subscribed to my channel My Siesta  please click on the subscribe button and share this video so other people on the same diet can also enjoy this dish. Thank you very much!