The Voice Within

My real intention of creating this page is –like other bloggers will at least earn something, however, it appears like maintaining a site for that purpose is time consuming, very confusing and stressing that lately I just found out that I have turned this page into a virtual diary where I can vent, share my ideas and “talk” myself out.

I guess it all started when I found out that I have no one to talk with and is caged inside this four-cornered house (but of course we don’t have a circle house) 24/7 with the convenience of having round the clock access to the internet –of which they claim is the home of all of the most interesting “whatevers” that can take you out from your delusion and take you to an interesting and notable level of entertainment. But I guess this doesn’t apply to everybody and that includes me.

I am one of those home based professionals that try to make ends meet by facing my computer as early as 5AM until as late as 2AM the following day. With the privilege of course of managing my own time (meaning I choose when to take a break, rest and eat) that unfortunately often turns out to be deprived from me since there is no way will I waste a single minute to leave my computer (for the intent of earning not for myself but to help my family in making ends meet ---long list of debts, bills, needs and again –“whatevers”!) just to do those things.

And whenever during my long day and night at work, a friend would call or send a message (through text, email, etc) I need to at least take time to multitask between my works and them just so to be able to give time for them (and that’s no biggies though. I meant it every time I listen to their vents, frustrations, problems and “whatevers”).

And then here comes the last day of the week and although I hate it (but since it is a part of my weekly routine), I need to check on the needs of my family –food, bills, other stuff (although please don’t you ever think that I am married since I am definitely single! Maybe it’s the culture or could be the burden of being the first born that I need to take all of these responsibilities of helping them –and then again, it is my pleasure to do this, they’re my family, right?) So once I’m done with the “buckle list” that we need for the entire week, I need to get myself to the nearest market and store to buy all of the items listed. (just in time since I just received my salary for the week. Yey!)

Now here comes the time that I really feel exhausted that I think I need to treat myself –so I go by planning, estimating and calculating everything that I need. And once I’m done, I’ll end up cancelling the plan since looking at how much money I’d be wasting brings me back to thinking about the long list of debts, bills and “whatevers” that I need to prioritize.

Ho! I am no superwoman, so I turn to try to talk to my friends about life and stuff like that but wait –am I just talking to myself? If they’re not too busy, they’re too busy or just too busy. So okay, I guess I need to get back to facing my computer, work on my tasks, pout (whenever necessary), use both of my index fingers in stretching my lips (forcing it to smile) and say “what a loooonngggg day!” Well, I guess I’ll have my time when I’ll finally retire to my bed super late at night (no, very early the next morning –now that’s confusing!). My bed is my only reward, my pillow is my loyal friend and my blanket is my only comforter. And that Guy up there is the only person who hears my cry –the voice within (I am not really sure if I am into making loud cries that it resonates up to His place) but regardless of whatever His hearing skills are, I am thankful He is there just willing to listen to my cries!

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